Am I good at anything?

Post by mike williams. Follow me on twitter.

Note: you may need to click through to the blog to access links to pictures and books referenced in this post.

"Daddy, am I good at anything?"

This is a question I recently got from my daughter. I loved the question. It was filled with so much honesty and humanity it made me ache. It came after a day of hanging out with some friends that are going to summer camps that she is not attending. She had a great day with her friends but ended the day with an empty feeling. She felt something was missing. She was comparing what they are good at with her current state in each of these areas.

Have you ever felt that way? Ever go to a social event and talk with folks who seem to have it all and you leave a little depleted from the experience? I think it happens to everyone from time to time.

Instead of saying to my daughter, "Honey, your great at those things too." I approached it a little differently. I asked her, "Honey, what do you want to be good at?"

I asked her that specific question so she could learn to find the answer from the inside-out versus the outside-in. In-side out meaning all the answers can be found within you. Outside-in meaning you are chasing what other people are doing and trying to find fulfillment from external things.

What do you want to be good at?
What do you want to be great at?

It was bed time. I asked her to write down a list of things that she wanted to be good at. I told her that I had some things I could share with her in the morning that could help her. She accepted that, wrote her list and went to sleep.

The next day, we talked briefly about our conversation from the night before. I pulled out three books from my book shelf:

This is your brain on music
Outliers
Mastery








I had her read short passages on mastery from each. In summary, the research shows if you want to master something you need to spend 10,000 hours practicing your craft. We talked about this and simplified it to:

If I want to improve at something I need to practice.

I said to her, "How about you and me go to Starbucks and work on your list?" I love creating teaching "zones" and this was a great opportunity. So we grabbed our portable think-a-torium (a stack of blank 3x5 cards) and headed out of the house.

I went to Starbucks specifically to:

(1) Carve out space for learning (i.e. create a learning zone)
(2) A change of location = different dynamics = different thinking
(3) A small treat makes it fun!

Here is a photo summary of our event:

Question: Let's think about what the books said and break them down further. What do you remember from what you read?

She answered and I facilitated by capturing the key elements verbally. She wrote them down on the cards:

(1) Time
(2) Practice (including what specific skill you want to practice)
=============
(3) Proficiency

The main point from this piece of our discussion is that proficiency, your ability to improve at something, comes from accumulation of experience. This takes time (e.g. you need to choose practice over other activities... say, TV!). It also takes focus. What skill do you want to practice during this time (e.g. this gets to efficient and effective practice)?



Question: Now, that you know the "secret" show me one of the ideas you captured last night. Let's plug them in to the "secret formula."

Example 1:


Example 2:


Question: What else? What about some of your strengths? What strengths do you want to continue to practice and grow?

Example 3:


Example 4:






Next, now that we know the "secret formula" and you know what areas are important to you all we need to do is determine what to do next. (Note to GTDers: Her "to do" list is actually a project list. Notice the project verbs!)



That ended our learning date. We talked a little more on specific things to practice in each of the areas. When we got home, she practiced her singing and felt excited by the challenge of her practice goal.

There were many levels to this experience with my daughter. I love the fact that we could turn the moment in to a great learning opportunity.

PS: I also owe a debt of gratitude to Charles Fred and the concept of "speed to proficiency ." To paraphrase... "the strategic accumulation of experience with the activities that mater most."

Square one...

(Note: If you are reading this in a reader, you my need to click through to the blog to connect to the song link.)

Square One, a song by Tom Petty, entered my world recently. It reminds me of some friends, family members and friends of friends who went down certain paths in their lives and are starting over again (and perhaps again) at square one.

Square One is a great place to be no matter how many times you get there. It is a starting point. Everyone needs one. Even the small step of thinking about change is a starting point.

For anyone out there with a friend or loved one starting over again at Square One my thoughts are with you.

Thank you Tom Petty for your artistry.

Time to "process" my car

 

Yup, its time. My wife said it was time a month ago. I am on vacation next week so I added a new task to my @Home list:

Process my car

Now that I parked the idea on my list I can forget about it... for a little while! :)

What do Kids, Summer Vacation and GTD have in common?

(Click on the picture to enlarge)

 

Answer: Outcome Thinking!

School is out in our neck of the woods. Summer time is a great time for some outcome thinking work with the kids. This post continues on the theme of planting the seeds of GTD with kids without actually using the GTD lingo.

While sitting at the table with the kids we started talking about the summer. The kids had some great ideas on what they wanted to do. So I thought to myself... aha! another opportunity for the Think-a-torium! This time though it was not just what we want to do for the day. This session was about what we wanted to make true over the summer. A much longer horizon for planning and perfect for the kids.

I leaned over an said to them in a whisper, "You know what?"

Kids, "What?"

"You guys are coming up with some AMAZING ideas. I think we needed a session in the Think-a-torium!"

Kids, "Yeah!!!!"

This time we used 3x5 cards to capture our ideas. The rules were simple:

- Answer this question: What do you want to do this summer?
- One idea per card
- We take turns tacking them to our cork board
- Every idea is a great idea

We went at it for about 30 minutes and had a ball. The kids were great and really supported one another.

After we finished I stepped back and said "Wow! You guys are magic. This board was blank just moments ago and now... well, look at it! Look at what you did with your imagination! This is great stuff. Looks like we are going to have a great summer!"

Our plan is to go down to the basement at least weekly (seeds for a weekly review) to review what we want to do next. As we select our "projects" I will ask them "what do we need to do next to make this magic card come true?"

We've already completed a couple of items and the kids are loving it. It is very rewarding watch them take their ideas from idea to done.

I hope you have a fulfilling summer. May your Think-a-torium overflow with ideas for you and your family.

----------------
A related post: http://www.zonebyzone.com/2008/05/auto-imaginatorium.html

Context & a GTD Day Zone by Zone

Here is a portrait of a dad with two kids (7 and 11) living Zone by Zone and practicing GTD (a.k.a. Me)

(You can click on the picture to enlarge it)

 


One of the key question in GTD is "What should I do right now?" The answer to this is largely constrained by your context, energy level, sense of priority and motivation. In an effort to incrementally improve I took a step back and looked at my day Zone by Zone. My goals were simple:

- Identify my major zones
- Identify the GTD actions I could reasonably do within a zone.

This activity is helping me bring additional focus and attention to each Zone and the opportunities within. It also helped me understand why some Zones are very challenging. The major reason is that I have so-o-o-o-o-o many options that I can select. In three of my Zones I have 13 different options!

I also use this as an "excuse buster." There is really no reason why I cannot get to certain things like really look at my @Computer list and work off it. It is simply a habit to develop further.

I enjoy looking at the way others view GTD. I hope this adds to the discussion.

Best regards!

Are you ready for a new normal? Am I?

"This thing has many layers to it." David Allen.





Homoeostasis is the force the wants to keep the "system" the same. Before I ran across GTD I developed over 30 years of habits and beliefs that formed (and informed) my daily habits and decisions. Then came GTD with its simple little questions:

- What is it?
- What do you want to do about it?

Hummm?... Damn those simple questions! And to up the pressure he suggests that I front load this question to every scrap of paper I touch, every conversation I have, every note I take and every scary unopened box in my basement!

My old habits and behaviors act on me like gravity try to pull me back to swamp of muck I am trying to leave. I read a book last year called Orbiting the Giant Hairball. In the book the author talks about shooting far enough into orbit so you can orbit the giant hair ball yet not too far that you are "way out there."





I find that the process of learning GTD and practicing/reinforcing new behaviors daily akin to holding the right orbit above the giant hairball of "stuff" that we find in our lives. I have entered the orbit of the new normal. It is an interesting and exciting vantage point.

It has taken me years to get here. The gravity of my old habits (and the habits of those around me) still want to pull me back - and they sometimes do - but I now know how to get back to orbit.

It feels great to share stores like this with the next generation of people who share the same language, struggles and wins. Thanks for listening. I wish you the best in your neck of the world.